Okay, I'm Good But Really Really Confused


I am good, pretty great actually. Things are going good at the "farm". at first I thought perhaps the weird weather we had was affecting my veggie plants because none of the veggies were appearing. But then I looked back at my blogs and posts from last year and realized I didn't have my first harvest until July 21 so we really are right on schedule.

I have tomatoes coming in. They will all probably ripen at once - a word of caution to my family and friends. If they do be prepared not only to eat a lot of things with tomatoes but receive a lot of homemade sauce! Lots of blossoms on the cucumber plants too. So that means plenty of cucumber in those dishes and fresh pickles coming your way. My beans are tiny but they are starting to come in. Not sure about the peas, we'll see.

Business is good, prosperous in fact. Having wonderful success with my herbal products,(and my friend Suzette is getting ready to produce her line of herbal lotions, shampoos etc. so there will be a lot of choices available), lots of counseling sessions and readings are filling up my calendar. I'm feeling drawn into more work with my psychic abilities. Not sure in what way, but the feeling is strong, so as always I'll open to it and let my intuition guide me.

So I'm not concerned about any of that. What's got me confused is my DNA. It's hard to explain. But as an adopted child, there is much you don't know about yourself. Actually, there's a heck of a lot you don't know about yourself. Over the years I've learned more and more. And I wrote in May about finding my biological family which was wonderful and answered a lot of questions.

The one absolute thing I believed about myself was my heritage. My mom told me I was 98% Scot and 2% French. So that's the heritage I embraced. I love all things Celtic, even bagpipe music, though you won't find it blaring in my house. (In my folks house occasionally yes, when my Dad play his CDs, but not in mine). I have a Scottish flag flying.

A week or so ago I received the results from the DNA test I sent to Ancestry.com. Have you seen their commercial where the guy thought he was German, wore lederhosen and then found out he was Scot from the DNA? Then he traded his lederhosen for a kilt?

Well, guess what? I need to trade my kilt for lederhosen! Turns out I'm only 17% British or Scot. The rest of me is German and French! More German than French. I'm having a hard time embracing that. When you grow up believe in one thing and, even though it really doesn't matter in the long run, find out you're something else, it sort of shakes you up a bit. All my life I've always had the question, who am I and what more is known that was never told to me. That's because other than the knowledge that I was adopted, the other information I learned - my name, my "heritage", etc. - came out in dribs and drabs along the way leaving me convinced there was always something more I wasn't being told. My mom says she has now told me everything she knew and I know she doesn't lie, but I still question.

I guess the good thing that came out of the DNA test was proof that I am a Gilbraith. Once you have your DNA results, Ancestry connects you with other people who have had their DNA tests. In looking in a tree for probable 3rd cousin, there were the Gilbraiths in the 1800-1900 time frame, living in Buffalo and the Western New York area. So now there's no doubt about my birth family.

I'm still also confused about the name. My older sister was named Diana and yet I was also named Diana before I was put up for adoption. That's just strange to me, although the explanation that it was a prominent name on the maternal side of the family and my birth mom probably gave it to me, despite having named my older sister Diana, because she felt I would at least carry on the maternal name of my birth family. Still, if I wanted to embrace that part of me, it would be weird having two Dianas around the same age in the family though my sister lives in Texas. I mean, there are a lot of Alexanders (and I do mean A LOT) in the McMillan Family Tree, some of them cousins. in this generation. Still it's weird. It makes me wonder... does anything belong to just me?

Well, I wouldn't look good in Lederhosen so I won't go there nor will I get into German music, unless it's drinking music. I'm keeping my Rampant Lion Scottish flag because, after all, my family, the one I grew up in IS Scottish and so is the name McMillan. Maybe it's not by blood, but I'm still Scottish in heart. I think that counts.


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